Love Isn't Always Enough
by JeeSun
Summary: CJ/Toby. They have loved each other for almost twenty years. Still there’s something keeping them from getting together.
1. Part 1

Category: CJ/Toby  
  
Summary: They have loved each other for almost twenty years. Still there's something keeping them from getting together.  
  
Warning: I have a thing here that a man goes in to a school with a gun and kill kids and teachers, and I know there has been some of that in the US and some other countries. It's not a big thing, though, but I just wanted to warn you.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.  
  
Part 1  
  
CJ threw up her feet on the table and leaned her head back against the couch. She took a deep breath as she was starting to rub her temples with her eyes closed.  
  
"Tough day?"  
  
CJ opened her eyes and saw Toby leaning against the doorframe. CJ didn't say anything, her eyes gave him the answer. He stepped into her office and sat down next to her.  
  
"Turn around." He said.  
  
She did as she was told and Toby started massaging her neck. It was quiet for a couple of minutes.  
  
"Sometimes this job really sucks." CJ suddenly said.  
  
Toby didn't answer.  
  
"I just don't understand," CJ continued. "What kind of human being goes into a school and just start to... shoot everybody he can see."  
  
CJ's voice became lower and she looked down at her hands that rested on her knee.  
  
"13 kids, Toby. 13 kids and 7 teachers. 13 fathers and 13 mothers lost their child today. 7 husbands or wives lost their partner today. I don't even dare to think of how many kids that lost their parent."  
  
CJ didn't say anything more. She leaned her head down and put her hand over her eyes. Toby knew she was crying, even though she wasn't actually sobbing. CJ never sobbed, she always cried quietly with only a few tears falling down her cheeks.  
  
"CJ." Toby whispered and stopped rubbing her neck.  
  
He turned her around and pulled her in for a hug. He held her in his embrace for, well, neither of them know how long, but when he let go CJ's tears had stopped.  
  
"Thanks," she said.  
  
"It's nothing to say 'thanks' for," Toby said. "Do you need a ride home?"  
  
"I have my own car."  
  
"I know that, but I don't want you to drive tonight."  
  
CJ nodded and they left the White House.  
  
* * * * *  
  
CJ lay on her bed 30 minutes later. She hadn't had dinner that day, but eating didn't feel important on a day like today. She had been running around in the White House like crazy the entire day. From the Oval Office to Leo's office. From Leo's office to hers. From her office to the Press Room, which was the hardest place to be in. When she finally could calm down in her office at 9 p.m. he had shown up. Of course, why wouldn't he? He had always been there for her, as long as she had known him. It didn't matter what had happened, he was always there. Some times there were problems that didn't really seem like problems when compared with days like today. But always on days like today she couldn't help thinking about how much she loved him. And not only as her best friend. She had known it for a long time, for years. She also knew that he felt the same about her. She didn't know who had discovered it first, maybe it always had been there, from their first meeting. What she didn't know was why they never crossed the line.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Toby poured up his second glass of scotch. He was tired and upset. It had been a hard day. He was glad though, that he and CJ had got some time together that day. Those who didn't know them would probably say that Toby had comforted CJ earlier in her office, but both of them knew better. Toby didn't say anything, nor did he cry, when things like the shooting happened.  
  
He was just quiet, burying his anger, and CJ knew it. CJ knew that by talking to him about it, it would help him as well. If he couldn't find the words himself, it felt good to hear them from someone else. And who could be better to hear them from than CJ? He loved her, more than anything on this planet. He had always loved her, since the day they met at a party when they were in their twenties. Hell, he had loved her when he was married to Andi. But they had always just stayed friends, why he didn't know. He knew that she loved him as well.  
  
* * * * *  
  
The next day CJ and Toby had lunch together in the mess. CJ took a bite of her sandwich and grimaced.  
  
"This reminds me why I so rarely eat here," she said as Toby smiled.  
  
"Are you feeling better today?" He asked her.  
  
"A little, maybe. I'm still thinking about it every second, though. I still don't understand, Toby. They were innocent children."  
  
Toby took her hand over the table to calm her down. He stroked the back of her hand with his fingers and she did calm down. She smiled slightly at him. They didn't notice that Sam and Josh approached them.  
  
"Well, isn't this cozy?" Josh said teasingly and sat down next to CJ.  
  
Toby quickly let go of her hand and suddenly found his plate very interesting. Sam sat down next to him with a huge grin.  
  
"Oh, shut up!" CJ said and they all knew it was end of discussion.  
  
During lunch they talked about everything, everything except what had happened yesterday morning. They all knew, that after lunch, they would all have to go into Leo's office and talk about it. But now, it was lunchtime.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Luckily, nothing else important happened that week, and on Friday night CJ sat down on her couch. She didn't think about what had happened Monday morning so much anymore. It still crossed her mind every now and then, but every time it did, she told herself to be professional, and she was. She and Toby had spent a lot of time together these last couple of days, which scared her. As much as she loved him and loved being with him, it still scared her.  
  
She felt that they were getting too close, so she had asked Danny Concannon to have drinks with her later tonight.  
  
"Hey."  
  
She looked up and there he was again, leaning against her doorframe. He smiled shyly at her and suddenly she was ashamed. She knew what he was doing there and she knew that she would hurt him within a minute.  
  
"Hi," she said trying to sound casual. "What's up?"  
  
"Nothing. What are you going to do now?"  
  
CJ played with the thought of making something up, but she knew he'd find out later anyway, somehow.  
  
"I'm having drinks with Danny Concannon," she said walking over to her desk so her back faced him.  
  
"Oh. Fun," he said.  
  
Anyone who didn't know Toby the way CJ did, would think he actually thought it was fun. But CJ recognized the hurt and embarrassment in his voice. She quickly turned around and he had begun to walk away.  
  
"Toby!" She almost yelled and he slowly turned around.  
  
She didn't know what to say. She knew what she wanted to say, but somehow she couldn't.  
  
"Just don't let the President find out about it," Toby said and turned around, walking away.  
  
CJ looked after him, and having drinks with Danny Concannon suddenly felt like a very bad idea. Still, she knew she would go. She would go and do her thing. She would laugh at his bad jokes, she would play interested when he talked, and then she would probably go home to him and spend the night. She never took them to her apartment. There was only one man she would let into her apartment. The man she just had pushed away, without knowing why.  
  
Tbc. Please review. 


	2. Part 2

For notes and disclaimers, see part 1. I just wanted to say thanks for all the nice feedback I got from the first part of this fic. I also want to apologize for not putting up a new part until now. I don't know why, I just kept writing this and then I didn't like it so I had anxiety about that. Anyway, I'm sorry and I really hope you like this part! =) Oh, and also, I apologize for my bad grammar and spelling. If anyone would like to beta my fics, I'd be really happy!  
  
  
  
  
  
Part 2  
  
"CJ?"  
  
CJ quickly turned around and faced Danny. She had her hand on the doorknob and was just about to open it.  
  
"Where are you going?" He asked.  
  
"Um... I figured that it's better to leave now instead of tomorrow morning," she lied.  
  
"I guess you're right," Danny said and walked towards her. "It was amazing. The rumor about you being great in bed, obviously wasn't just a rumor," he whispered and smiled.  
  
CJ just nodded and looked at the floor, wishing she was out of there. She shivered when he mentioned the rumor that had been around since the concert with the orchestra from Iceland.  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow," she said.  
  
Danny leaned closer, intending to kiss her, but CJ tilted her head to the left so his mouth just brushed against her cheek.  
  
"Bye," she hurried to say and left.  
  
She started walking. She was going to walk to closest gas station and call a cab from there. While she was walking she couldn't think of anything else than that she wanted to take a shower. She could still feel his hands wandering over her body, him smelling her hair, him whispering her name. She suddenly felt nauseous. She put a hand to her mouth, stopped walking, closed her eyes and forced herself to swallow. How could she be so stupid?  
  
* * * * *  
  
Toby looked at the time. 2 a.m. He had to leave for work in less than five hours. He had been trying to sleep for an hour, but all he could think of was CJ. CJ and Danny. He turned on the light, realizing he wasn't going to be able to sleep. He walked into his kitchen turning on his laptop. When he looked at the screen he felt nothing. All the words were gone, he didn't even know when or where or to who the President was going to give this speech to. He slammed down the screen and took a deep breath. He put his head in his hands and wondered where CJ was. He knew where, but still he kept telling himself she wasn't, really. She wouldn't, not with him. But, when he was walking back to his bedroom he knew she would.  
  
* * * * *  
  
CJ almost ran through the hallway back to her office after her morning briefing. She knew that Danny was following her. He called out her name, but she pretended not to hear. When she was in her office she shut the door, said to Carol over the intercom that she didn't want to be disturbed, including Danny. She lied down on her couch with her arm over her eyes. She hadn't been able to look at him in the Press Room. She had ignored his questions, she had made the briefing shorter than usual, afraid of throwing up at the look of him.  
  
The door was suddenly opened. CJ didn't take away her arm, afraid it would be Danny.  
  
"Who are you hiding from?" A familiar voice asked.  
  
She took away her arm, turned her head to the door and couldn't help to smile. There he was, again, leaning against the doorframe. He closed the door and CJ lifted her legs. He sat down and she put her legs in his knee.  
  
"No one," she said. "I'm just tired."  
  
"Oh." Toby said without looking at her.  
  
CJ could have nit her tongue. She didn't mean it to come out like that.  
  
"So, I take it things were going well last night?" He said, still without looking at her.  
  
"Ah, well..." Was all CJ gave as answer.  
  
She tried to search his eyes. She wanted him to look at her. Wanted him to see that she was sorry for what she had done to him. But he didn't look at her. Instead, he lifted her legs and left.  
  
* * * * *  
  
It was the same pattern in the beginning of the next week. Danny was chasing CJ, but she always had something else to do. For starters, she still tried to have Toby look at her. At Tuesday night CJ was going crazy. After her afternoon briefing she asked Carol to tell Danny she wanted to see him. Danny was naive, even though he was a reporter. He didn't even ask why she hadn't talked to him since she left his apartment. He just said 'yes' with a huge grin when she asked if they should have drinks later that night.  
  
CJ was good, she did her thing and she left his apartment around midnight. This time she couldn't stay longer. She didn't want to lie in his arms, she just wanted to get out of there.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"What the hell is this?" Leo yelled and threw a newspaper on CJ's desk.  
  
CJ had already seen it. She had gotten the call when she had come home earlier this morning or night maybe.  
  
"Leo..." She started.  
  
"No! CJ, damn it! You've got a warning, from me and hell... you even had a warning from the President! The President of the United States! He wants you in the Oval by the way. Stat!"  
  
Leo turned around and left her office. CJ slowly rose and walked her way to the Oval Office. She passed the Communications Bullpen. The blinds to Toby's office were closed. They usually never were. She looked down and felt everyone starring at her. When she entered the Oval Office the President seemed surprisingly calm.  
  
"CJ." He said and sat down and motioned for her to do the same.  
  
"Mr. President."  
  
"I thought I told you that nothing could ever happen between the two of you with the jobs you are having now."  
  
"Yes, sir, you did."  
  
The President looked at her for a while, waiting for her to say something more, but she stayed quiet.  
  
"Then what the hell happened?" He said, raising his voice.  
  
CJ looked down at her hands that rested in her knee.  
  
"I don't know, sir. I honestly do not know. I don't even like him anymore. Don't know if I ever have."  
  
"That's even worse."  
  
"Yes, sir. Um, do you want me to resign?"  
  
The President made a noise and CJ thought it sounded a lot like a small laugh.  
  
"CJ, this isn't something that you're going to get fired for. I just... you have to take my warnings seriously. And, you have to stop seeing him, of course."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"And also, you have to stop being extra friendly to him."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Toby was throwing his pink rubber ball against the wall. When he had come to work Bonnie had given him a paper. It was a picture of CJ leaving Danny Concannon's apartment. Toby knew that it wasn't the first time she had left his apartment in the middle of the night, but without this paper, he could still have been able to imagine that nothing had happened. There was a knock on the door.  
  
"Bonnie, I though I told you I wanted to be alone." Toby said over his intercom.  
  
"It's CJ." Bonnie answered.  
  
"Tell her I'm busy." He said and started to throw his pink rubber ball at the wall again.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"He doesn't want to see me?" CJ said and looked upset at Bonnie.  
  
"I'm sorry, CJ." She said. "He's thinking of what the President is going to say tomorrow night and..."  
  
"Yeah, right! You don't have to explain!" She almost shouted back and everyone in the bullpen stopped working to look at her.  
  
She quickly turned around and left.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Toby had heard her. He had heard her shouting and all the other noises out there becoming quiet after. He stopped throwing his pink rubber ball and put his head in his hands, leaning his elbows against the desk.  
  
TBC. 


	3. Part 3

A/N: Do you even remember this fic, =)? Anyway, it finally is done. Actually, I've finally come up with the end so now I can post. Most of this, except the two last parts, I wrote when I first began to write fics so that's my explanation if it's not that good. Everybody needs practicing, right? I'm not really sure when this takes place but sometime in the middle of the first season, maybe but there aren't any real spoilers. Oh, and feedback is always welcome g.  
  
  
  
  
  
Part 3  
  
The party was in full swing. Toby was standing by the bar, having his second scotch. Leo was standing next to him.  
  
"Shouldn't you be mingling?" Toby said sarcastically and took a zip of his drink.  
  
He hated these kinds of events and the thing with CJ didn't make it any better.  
  
"Shouldn't you?" Leo replied.  
  
The President had just complimented Toby for the speech and everyone had been applauding standing when the President was done. Somehow, tonight that didn't make Toby happy. He was just about to order his third scotch, when Leo stopped him.  
  
"What's the matter, Toby?" Leo asked when they were standing out on the balcony.  
  
"Nothing's the matter, Leo." Toby said and smiled slightly.  
  
"Is this about Andie?"  
  
Toby laughed.  
  
"Leo, honestly, this is not going to be a conversation with us talking about our ex-wives."  
  
Leo didn't say anything more. Toby looked up and noticed that CJ was slowly approaching them. She looked more beautiful than ever wearing a white evening gown. Still, it was something wrong. Her eyes weren't as happy and sparkling as they used to be at these kinds of events, Toby noticed. She looked tired and sad.  
  
"Leo, the President wants to talk to you." She avoided looking at Toby.  
  
"Okay, thanks." Leo turned to Toby. "Take it easy with the drinks."  
  
Toby didn't answer, just glared at Leo when he walked away. CJ and Toby looked at each other for a short moment. Then Toby turned around and leaned against the railing. A few seconds later CJ joined him. They stood there, next to each other for several minutes without saying a word.  
  
"What's with the drinks?" CJ asked.  
  
"It's nothing. I guess, Leo's afraid of me becoming an alcoholic."  
  
"Well, are you?"  
  
For the first time Toby turned to face CJ. He smiled slightly and she smiled back.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said and they turned their eyes from each other to look at the view.  
  
"It's okay. I mean, the chief of staff thinks I am so..."  
  
"I didn't mean that, Toby."  
  
Toby didn't say anything, just kept looking up at the dark sky. "I know."  
  
"Toby, can't you look at me?"  
  
Toby slowly turned to her. His heart hurt when he saw that she had tears in her eyes. He gently smiled at her, which made her smile slightly.  
  
"You don't have to be sorry, CJ. There's no reason."  
  
"This thing with me and Danny... It's nothing. I don't care about him."  
  
"Why are you telling me this?"  
  
"I..." CJ stammered and looked down. "I don't know."  
  
"Okay," Toby nodded slowly. "We better get back to the party."  
  
"You go. I need some air."  
  
Toby didn't say anything. He turned and walked towards the glass-door. Before opening it, he turned and looked at CJ's back. She was leaning against the railing, looking down. He walked over to the railing and leaned against it.  
  
"Mind if I join you?" he asked.  
  
She smiled at him for a short moment and then looked down again. He took her hand in his, squeezed it and let it stay there until Josh called at them a few minutes later.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Do you want to come in for a while?"  
  
"No, no. I don't think that's a good idea."  
  
"Okay."  
  
She stepped out of the cab and walked up the stairs to the door. When she opened it, she heard the cab drive away. When she entered her apartment she realized he was the first man she had ever asked that question.  
  
* * * * *  
  
He walked into her office and closed the door. "I'm sorry about last night."  
  
CJ looked up from her computer with her eyebrows raised.  
  
"You're sorry? Why?"  
  
Toby sat down in the couch and rubbed his temples.  
  
"It's just... it's complicated, CJ."  
  
CJ sat down next to him and looked confused at him.  
  
"Toby, what in God's name are you talking about?"  
  
"You. Me. Us. This. Everything! I can't deal with it. I'm sorry."  
  
He rose and left her office. She looked even more confused than before. It only took a minute before she decided to go and ask him what the hell he was talking about. She slammed his door when she had entered his office.  
  
"Toby! What the hell are you talking about?" she yelled. "You can't just walk into my office and start rambling words!"  
  
* * * * *  
  
"What's going on?" Sam asked.  
  
He was looking out from his office. Josh just entered the bullpen with a file in his hand.  
  
"Hey, Sam. What's up?"  
  
Sam stepped out of his office and met him outside Toby's office.  
  
"Um, I don't know."  
  
Sam and Josh turned their heads to look into Toby's office. They saw him sitting by his desk looking down and CJ walked back and forth in the room throwing up her arms sometimes."  
  
"It seems as if they're fighting," Josh said.  
  
"You think?" Sam said sarcastically. "I just wonder about what. It hasn't been anything special this week... maybe it's because of CJ and Danny."  
  
"Maybe. But if that was the case, shouldn't Toby be the one yelling?"  
  
They didn't get the chance to say anything more because Toby walked over to CJ and he didn't look happy. They stood there, face to face, screaming at each other. Josh and Sam couldn't hear about what, though. Everyone else in the bullpen was now gathered with them looking into the Communications Director's office.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"I told you I was sorry about it! Plus, what do you care? It's none of your business!" CJ yelled.  
  
"It's none of my business?" Toby yelled back. "It sure the hell is! I tell you when it's not my business, it's not when I'm no longer your boss, but as long as I am and he's a reporter and you're the White House press secretary it is my damn business, CJ!"  
  
"Then you should have brought it up right after the news appeared in the paper! Plus, you work for the president of the United States and I've already had this conversation with him so I don't need you to lecture me!"  
  
"You can't see him again, CJ," Toby said, now in a calmer voice.  
  
"Toby, I told you last night he meant nothing to me. Why in God's name would I see him again?"  
  
"Because I know you, CJ," he said quietly. "I know what you're like."  
  
CJ eyes went black and she quickly turned around and started walking towards the door. Then she saw everyone through the blinds out in the bullpen, starring at them.  
  
"What the hell..." she said quietly which made Toby look in her direction.  
  
CJ opened the door and quickly walked out of the bullpen. Toby followed her but stayed in the bullpen.  
  
"Don't you have anything better to do?" he yelled at them when they all starred at him.  
  
* * * * *  
  
She heard him snore against her shoulder. She wanted to throw up. Throw up for the disgust she felt over herself, for the disgust she felt over him. She tried to slide out of bed and his arms as quietly as possible. As she put on her clothes she kept hearing Toby's word over and over again; 'I know what you're like.' She opened the door quietly and walked out of the hotel-room. It was safer to check in at a hotel, than her leaving his apartment in the middle of the night. But she hadn't the energy to think of what was safe or what wasn't. After her fight with Toby she had called Danny immediately. He hadn't even bothered to ask if it would affect her job. She knew it would affect his job too, but not in the same terms as it would for her. She would get fired, he would get a promotion for screwing the White House press secretary.  
  
When she stepped out of the cab outside her apartment he was there. He was there waiting for her. He was sitting on the stairs following every move she made towards him. She sat down next to him. She didn't dare to look at him.  
  
"You were right," she said. "You do know what I'm like."  
  
"I wish I was wrong, though," he said.  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
"I just... I don't know CJ. Lately... I've been thinking a lot lately, about things I haven't allowed myself to think about earlier. But as I said earlier today in your office, it's complicated. So damn complicated."  
  
"I've also been thinking a lot lately. About things I shouldn't be thinking about."  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
CJ wasn't even surprised that he knew. After all, he was the person who knew her best.  
  
"Toby, I love you," she whispered still not looking at him.  
  
"I know, CJ. And I love you", he said without looking at her.  
  
He rose and left.  
  
TBC. 


	4. Part 4

Part 4  
  
"CJ, Danny is here," Carol said over the intercom.  
  
"Could you please tell him I'm busy," CJ replied.  
  
She hadn't been able to go to sleep after her conversation with Toby on the stairs in the middle of the night. It wasn't the first time they said that they loved each other. She wondered what was so damn complicated, as Toby had expressed it. They had loved each other for almost twenty years. Still, nothing had ever happened between them.  
  
She had lunch in her office. She didn't want to see anyone, which she knew was a huge problem if you worked as Press Secretary in the White House. There was a knock on the door.  
  
"Come in," she yelled and sighed.  
  
So much for telling Carol she wanted to be alone. It was Toby.  
  
"Oh, I see that you're eating," he mumbled. "I was thinking that we could have gone somewhere."  
  
CJ didn't say anything. Toby sat down in the couch picking up a magazine.  
  
"Do you want the rest of it?" CJ asked.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Salad." When he sighed, she filled in "With chicken."  
  
He couldn't help smiling at her, even though it wasn't funny. She sat down next to him handing him the plate and the fork. She watched him eat.  
  
"You know that really freaks me out."  
  
"Why do you think I'm doing it?" She grinned.  
  
It was quiet for a moment again.  
  
"Toby, I want to know what's so complicated," she suddenly said quietly.  
  
Toby stopped eating, he put the plate on the table and looked at her.  
  
"That's what I'm trying to figure out. Every time I'm thinking of us, you and me together, it's just... It seems like a very bad idea."  
  
"What? What would be so bad about it?" CJ asked trying to not get upset.  
  
"You're my best friend and I like you. I don't want to end up hating you and I don't want you to end up hating me, which you will if we get together. I know that things look civil when I see Andie, but... CJ, I'm a complicated man to be with."  
  
"I've known you for almost twenty years. Don't you think I know that?" CJ smiled slightly. It was quiet again. When CJ realized what he actually was saying she couldn't help that tears ran down her cheeks. Toby gently tried to wipe them away, but CJ turned her head away from him.  
  
"So, you're telling me that nothing can ever happen between us?" she said quietly.  
  
"I guess I am," he said.  
  
"I want to be alone."  
  
Toby nodded and walked towards the door.  
  
"You know, you stop me from being happy with someone else," she said bitterly.  
  
"I know, and I'm sorry about that."  
  
"You should never have come to California and brought me on the campaign."  
  
When Toby had closed the door after him, CJ walked over to the phone.  
  
"Hey, Danny. It's CJ. Same place tonight?"  
  
* * * * *  
  
"CJ, are you okay?"  
  
"I just threw up in the bathroom. Do you think I'm okay?" CJ asked sarcastically starting to put on her clothes.  
  
Danny watched her do so silently.  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow." She was already heading towards the door.  
  
When CJ was standing outside the hotel waiting for a cab she heard someone call out her name. She turned around.  
  
"Sam, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I've had dinner with Mike Johnson."  
  
"Oh yeah, so how did it go?"  
  
"I think it went well. Anyway, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Um, I had..."  
  
Sam suddenly found something behind her back interesting. She turned around and saw Danny approaching them.  
  
"Hey Sam, hey CJ." He tried to sound casual.  
  
"Danny." Sam looked at both of them for a short while and then he realized.  
  
"Oh, here's my cab." CJ quickly jumped in the car and gave the driver her address.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"You were seeing Danny?" Sam closed the door to his office.  
  
"Yes, I was Sam. Could you please not tell anyone?"  
  
"CJ... I didn't even think you liked the guy!"  
  
"I don't! I even threw up after we..." She stopped talking, knowing she had given to much information.  
  
"Then, why are you seeing him?" Sam suddenly looked concerned.  
  
Sam quickly walked over to the windows and closed the blinds when he noticed that tears were streaming down her cheeks. Then he sat down next to her, putting a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"CJ, what's the matter?" he asked concerned.  
  
"It's just... Why does it have to hurt so much?"  
  
"What, CJ?"  
  
CJ didn't say anything more, choking on her tears. Sam embraced her and let her cry against his shoulder.  
  
"Sam..." Toby stopped in the door when he noticed that CJ was crying in Sam's arms.  
  
Sam and Toby exchanged a look. Toby left and closed the door.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Toby was on his way to the afternoon staff meeting in Leo's office. It was going to be a hard meeting. Not because Leo could have bad news, but because he would have to face CJ, knowing that he was the reason she cried in Sam's office earlier that day.  
  
"Where's Sam and Josh?" Leo was obviously not in a good mood.  
  
"I don't know, Leo," Toby said.  
  
Leo groaned and left. Toby sat down in the couch next to CJ. She refused to look at him. He gently stroked the back of her hand. She let him do so for a few seconds before pulling away.  
  
"How are you?" he asked softly.  
  
"What do you care?" she asked harshly.  
  
She turned to face him and Toby almost moved away from her when he saw her face. She was red around her eyes and anyone could see that she had been crying.  
  
Josh, Sam and Leo entered the room and sat down in the chairs. When Josh saw CJ he opened his mouth but Sam put his hand over his arm to stop him. But Sam had forgotten about Leo.  
  
"CJ, are you alright?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"But you look like you've been crying."  
  
"I haven't."  
  
Leo knew she was lying, but decided to leave it.  
  
After the meeting he asked Toby to stay.  
  
"Do you know what's the matter with CJ?"  
  
"No," he lied.  
  
* * * * *  
  
CJ was dancing with Sam and she actually enjoined it. She had been talking with Sam a lot lately about Toby and he had sworn to not tell anyone.  
  
"Sam, I want to thank you for everything that you've done for me last week. You've been a great support to me."  
  
"I'm just happy I could help." He started to grin.  
  
"What?" She smiled suspiciously at him.  
  
"I'm going to introduce you to someone after this dance."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Toby was standing in the bar looking at CJ and Sam dancing together. It shouldn't bother him, but it did. He was happy to see her smile, though. He was happy to see her laugh again after what he had done to her. The song ended and Toby was relieved when Sam led CJ off the dance-floor. He followed them with his eyes. They were walking over to a group of tall good- looking men, probably all doctors. After all, this was a party for those who volunteered at hospitals in the poor neighborhoods. When CJ shock hands with a tall guy, with blonde hair and a dazzling smile he didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"I'm Eric Brooks."  
  
"Nice to meet you, Eric." CJ gave him her best smile. "My name is..."  
  
"CJ Cregg," he interrupted. "The beautiful Press Secretary. Did you really think I would have missed you?"  
  
CJ blushed and smiled.  
  
"You're making me blush," she said and they laughed. "So, are you one of the doctors'?"  
  
"Yes, I am."  
  
"Do you work somewhere else also?"  
  
"No, I'm there full time. I inherited a lot of money when my parents died when I was a kid."  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry. What happened?"  
  
"Car-accident. Anyway, I have enough money to make it without having a real job."  
  
CJ liked him. And when he asked her to dance she said yes immediately. While they were dancing she noticed that Toby was starring at them. She quickly looked away.  
  
TBC. 


	5. Part 5

Part 5  
  
"Sam, I'm telling you! If you weren't working in the White House, you should definitely try a career as matchmaker." CJ put in a noodle in her mouth.  
  
"I'm glad you liked him."  
  
"Liked him?" CJ laughed. "Honestly, I think this could actually be someone I could seriously fall in love with. He's amazing, Sam! Do you know how much he gives to the hospital? And, I'm not only talking about his money, his giving almost all his free time to the patients."  
  
Sam didn't say anything, he just smiled. He was happy to hear CJ rambling on about Eric. And he was glad that he had been able to help her. To help her realize that there were other men than Toby Ziegler.  
  
"CJ." Ginger stuck in her head. "Carol called and said that some Eric Brooks called. He wanted you to call back."  
  
CJ threw the box with noodles on Sam's desk.  
  
"Oh, better run!" she said with a huge smile and ran off.  
  
Sam smiled and looked after her. His smile disappeared when he noticed Toby leaning against the doorframe.  
  
"Yes, Toby?"  
  
Toby stepped into Sam's office and closed the door. He started walking back and forth in the room, rubbing his forehead.  
  
"Toby, you're making me nervous!"  
  
Toby stopped walking and turned to him.  
  
"So, who's this Eric Brooks-guy?"  
  
"He's a childhood friend. He's nice and treats women with respect. He's a doctor. Anything else you want to know?"  
  
"Why did you set him up with CJ?"  
  
"Toby, CJ told me everything that day you saw her crying in my arms. I've got to tell you, Toby. I knew you were a pain in the ass, but that you also were a son of a bitch, came as a surprise. Maybe it shouldn't, but it did."  
  
"Sam, I'm going to pretend I'm not your boss for a while," Toby said quietly and Sam blushed already regretting his harsh words.  
  
Toby began pacing again. "Sam, it's complicated. It's so complicated even you wouldn't understand. I did it for her. It was for her own best, Sam."  
  
Once again Sam decided to play with destiny and yell at his boss. "Don't give me crap, Toby! In love you have to sacrifice things! Okay, maybe you would have ended up hating each other, but at least you would have spent some time happy! Do you regret that you married Andi?"  
  
Toby looked down and mumbled something.  
  
"Just answer, Toby!"  
  
"No, Sam. I don't regret it. You're right, me and Andi did have some good years. But, it's different with CJ. I love her too much to let her not be a part of my life."  
  
"And you think that acting the way you do will make her stay?"  
  
Sam and Toby stood quietly, looking at each other. Then Sam started to smile.  
  
"You should go and talk to her."  
  
"What about Eric?"  
  
"Toby, she has known the guy for like 48 hours! And I'm not even going to try and count how many hours she has known you. Seriously, Toby, who do you think she'll choose?"  
  
Toby nodded and left.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Okay, so I'll see you tomorrow night. Okay, bye." CJ hung up the phone with a huge smile. "Carol!"  
  
"Yes?" Carol entered CJ's office.  
  
"So, aren't you going to ask me about the good-looking guy I'm having dinner with tomorrow night?"  
  
Carol smiled and sat down on the couch. CJ sat down next to her.  
  
"His name is Eric Brooks. He's a doctor, taller than me, good-looking..."  
  
* * * * *  
  
"...he likes to cock, he loves kids, not that I want them, but still."  
  
"Is it the first date tomorrow night?" Toby heard Carol ask CJ in CJ's office.  
  
"Yes, but we sure did have a lot of fun at the dinner two nights ago."  
  
Toby was leaning against the wall, listening to CJ and Carol talk about this Eric-guy. When he heard CJ's happy voice whenever she mentioned his name, he realized he couldn't do it. He couldn't go in there and ruin it. He couldn't give her any promises. He had to let her go.  
  
"...he's almost living at the hospital and..."  
  
Toby turned and started walking through the hallway back to his office.  
  
TBC. 


	6. Part 6

Part 6  
  
Eric was telling CJ about his childhood. How he managed to grow up without his parents and how he got passed it. It was their second date and CJ knew she already had strong feelings for him.  
  
"But now, we shouldn't talk about me anymore. Tell me about you, Claudia Jean." He took her hand over the table.  
  
Eric had asked CJ if he could call her by her full name. He thought CJ sounded too professional and he loved to say her name. At first she hadn't been comfortable with it, but now she would object if he didn't. When he did, it made her feel less like the press secretary CJ Cregg and more like the woman Claudia Jean Cregg.  
  
"What can I tell you?" She laughed when she realized what a boring life she had.  
  
At least outside the White House, which by the way hadn't existed before Eric walked into her life.  
  
"Claudia Jean, sweetie, you work in the White House, you're working next to the President of the United States every day. I bet you have a very interesting life."  
  
"Yes, but outside the White House..." She trailed off and smiled.  
  
"Okay, change of subject. Have you ever been married?"  
  
"No, you?"  
  
Eric smiled and shock his head.  
  
"I haven't met the right person yet." He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles and looked deeply into her eyes, which made her blush. "What about you?"  
  
CJ looked at him, she wanted to tell him the same, but she just couldn't. She had met the right person about twenty years ago, but he didn't want her.  
  
"I don't know. I haven't believed in marriages. Not before I met you." That much she could give him and he seemed content with her answer.  
  
"I bet you've turned down a hundred of proposals." He kissed her knuckles again.  
  
That was true. Okay, maybe not a hundred, but she had turned down a lot of proposals.  
  
"I hope you won't turn down mine when I propose to you."  
  
CJ couldn't tell if he was joking or not. Then suddenly he let go of her hand and leaned back against the chair uncomfortably.  
  
"I'm sorry. I've embarrassed you. And I've scared you. I'm moving too fast, ain't I?"  
  
CJ reached out to take his hand and she smiled at him.  
  
"Eric, you haven't scared me. I just... honestly do you see us together in the future?"  
  
"Yes, I do, Claudia Jean." He looked deeply into her eyes. "I've only known you for a week and I already know I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I understand if you don't feel the same yet, but I'll wait for you."  
  
She smiled at him, before letting go of his hand and starting with her desert.  
  
* * * * *  
  
The cab stopped and CJ looked out the window. They were outside her building. She kissed Eric for a long time before forcing herself to stop. She grinned at him.  
  
"I'll follow you to the door." He stepped out of the cab, walked over to the other side and held out his hand to her.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
He didn't let go of her hand until they were standing outside the door. He put his arms around her and kissed her again. When he let go CJ saw what he wanted. He was almost begging her with his eyes, but she knew she had to turn him down. Not just yet. She couldn't ask him in. It was too early. Instead, she gave him a quick kiss before opening the door.  
  
"Call me when you get home."  
  
"Count on it."  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Seriously, what is up with this guy?" Carol was carrying a huge bouquet with red and white flowers and placed the vase on the table in front of the couch.  
  
When she had put the vase down she looked at her boss's behind the desk. She was grinning at Carol. Carol looked around in the office. In every corner that had space was a huge bouquet of flowers. It wasn't just roses, it was all kinds and in all colors.  
  
"He really has it bad for you, boss."  
  
"Nah, he just wants to sleep with me." CJ grinned.  
  
"What? You're telling me you haven't done it yet? I guess, someone will be lucky tonight."  
  
"Carol!" CJ tried to sound serious but she couldn't hide her smile. "Could you go to Sam's office and leave him this note?"  
  
Carol took the note and walked away.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Sam was sitting in his office, writing on his laptop when he heard female voices outside in the bullpen and giggles. He stopped writing and let the giggles lead the way. Around Ginger's desk were Ginger, Bonnie, Carol, Donna and Margaret. He walked over to them.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"Oh, the reason I came here!" Carol handed out a note to Sam.  
  
Sam took the note without reading it.  
  
"Seriously, what's so funny?" He hated to be out of the loop.  
  
"CJ has opened a flower store in her office." Donna giggled.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Yup, the guy she's seeing has filled her office with beautiful flower arrangements!" Carol filled in.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Toby was leaning against the doorframe. Just as Sam he wanted to see what the secretaries were giggling over. When he heard them mention CJ's name and 'the guy she's seeing' he stopped in the door. No one had noticed him yet. He didn't want to hear about this, if you could believe the secretaries, amazing and romantic man, but he couldn't close the door to his office.  
  
"CJ is a very lucky lady," Bonnie said.  
  
"She certainly is," Ginger said. "He's a doctor who works for free! He's tall, handsome, it's like a book of Danielle Steele!"  
  
"But no one should say she doesn't deserve it," Carol said. "I mean, with her track of men... I really hope she has found the one now."  
  
The girls began to giggle again and that was it for Toby. He walked back to his desk and tried to focus on a draft. Just a minute later he heard someone close his door. He looked up and noticed Sam.  
  
"What's up?" Toby took a deep breath.  
  
"I saw you out there. When was the last time you talked to CJ?"  
  
"This morning in staff."  
  
"Toby, you know what I mean."  
  
"What does it matter?"  
  
"You never went to her after we talked in my office."  
  
"No, I didn't Sam." Toby sighed. "And you know why? Because I heard her telling Carol about this amazing Eric. Sam, she should be with him. He can give her everything I can't."  
  
"Except the one thing she wants the most."  
  
"And what's that?"  
  
"Toby, you're a smart man. You know the answer to that."  
  
It was quiet for a while. Then Toby walked over to the couch and sat down next to Sam. "Sam, I can't tell her now. She's happy. I'm not going to make her unhappy. Not again."  
  
Sam slowly nodded, realizing that nothing could change Toby's mind.  
  
"It's sad tough," Sam almost whispered.  
  
"Yea, it is." Toby sighed, once again.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Eric got his reward later that night. After dinner at one of the most expensive restaurants in D.C. CJ invited him into her apartment. She was surprised when she realized that it was something she actually wanted to do. She wanted him to come in with her. She wanted him to be the man she shared bed with. She wanted to wake up feeling his arms around her. She wanted to know he was there, waiting for her when she got home. And that's when she realized how strong feelings she had for him.  
  
TBC. 


	7. Part 7

Part 7  
  
Everything after that night in CJ's apartment happened fast. She spent all her free time with Eric and when she wasn't with him she drove everyone crazy telling them how much she missed him. She hadn't talked to Toby yet. Not about things that didn't concern work. He hadn't asked her about Eric and when she noticed he was around she stopped talking about him. Without knowing how time could have passed so quickly it was CJ and Eric's '1 Month Anniversary'. They had dinner at a small restaurant and after that they went for a walk along the Potomac. Eric had his arm around CJ's waist and she leaned her head against his shoulder.  
  
"I love you so much," Eric suddenly said and stopped walking.  
  
"I love you too," CJ said before kissing him.  
  
They walked over to a bench and sat down.  
  
"Claudia Jean, this month with you has been the best in my life. After our second date, remember I told you I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you?"  
  
"Yeah, have you changed your mind?"  
  
Eric had to laugh when he saw CJ's worried look.  
  
"No, I haven't changed my mind. I've only got it confirmed. You make me so happy. Will you marry me?"  
  
CJ looked up at him.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
He stuck his hand in his pocket and held out a small black box.  
  
"My precious Claudia Jean, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"  
  
CJ didn't even notice that tears were running down her cheeks until Eric gently wiped them away.  
  
"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes," she whispered and smiled. "Of course I'll marry you!"  
  
She hugged him tightly and he kissed her on the neck.  
  
"You haven't even seen the ring yet." Eric laughed.  
  
CJ opened the little box and gasped when she saw the diamond-ring in it. It was a bit flashy for her style, but indeed, it was her engagement ring and she was now going to wear it for the rest of her life.  
  
"It's an inscription inside of it."  
  
CJ looked inside the ring.  
  
"Eric, it's dark outside. I can't see what it says." She laughed.  
  
He took her hands in his and smiled gently at her.  
  
"It says: 'Yours always, Eric'. Or actually just Y A, Eric because there wasn't enough room."  
  
CJ smiled and kissed him and then he put the ring on her finger. She was now Ms. CJ Cregg, an engaged woman.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Sam, I'm not kidding! You're going to be honoree guest at our wedding!"  
  
Sam walked over to CJ and gently gave her a hug.  
  
"I'm so happy for you", he whispered.  
  
"If it hadn't been for you..." CJ smiled at him and touched his cheek.  
  
"Have you told him yet?" Sam nodded towards Toby's office and CJ shrugged.  
  
"Nope."  
  
"CJ..."  
  
"Sam, don't start. I'm not telling him in personal. The ones that are important to me I'll tell in personal. The rest will just hear it through the grapevine. We're not friends anymore, Sam. Our relationship is strictly professional."  
  
"No, CJ, you're so much more than that."  
  
CJ took a step back from Sam.  
  
"Now, what exactly is that supposed to mean?"  
  
Sam just shock his head.  
  
"Nothing, CJ. Just forget about it."  
  
"Sam, tell me what you meant!"  
  
"CJ, honestly, can you look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love Toby?"  
  
"Sam!" CJ gasped. "You fix me up with a friend of yours and when I'm telling you we're getting married you ask me about Toby! Leave me alone!"  
  
She quickly turned around and ran out of his office.  
  
"I told you so," Sam whispered to himself.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"So, I heard you're getting married?"  
  
Startled, CJ looked up from her desk and saw Toby in the door. She quickly looked down when she saw who it was.  
  
"Yes. Who told you?"  
  
"CJ, the senior staff's secretaries are having a meeting outside my office everyday after lunch."  
  
CJ couldn't help smiling.  
  
"Can I come in?"  
  
"Sure, why not."  
  
Toby closed the door behind him and sat down in the couch.  
  
"So, engaged after a month of dating?"  
  
CJ quickly stood and threw her file on the desk.  
  
"Damn it, Toby!" she yelled.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Is that why you came here? To tell me this is a bad idea? To make me feel I'm doing some kind of mistake? Because, I'm telling you, if you did come just because of that, the door is there!"  
  
It was quiet for a moment and CJ sat down behind her desk, rubbing her forehead.  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to come out that way. Claude..."  
  
"Don't." She held up her hand. "Don't come in here and say my name like that. Toby, what exactly are you trying to do?"  
  
"CJ, damn it! I came in here to talk to you! You know we haven't talked in a month and it's been driving me crazy!"  
  
He was now standing, pacing back and forth in the office rubbing his forehead. Then he suddenly stopped and turned towards her, but looked down at the floor.  
  
"I've missed you," he said quietly.  
  
CJ wanted to run up to him and hug him after he had ended that sentence. It was so soft and sincere. Instead she slowly rose and walked over to him. She raised her hands, she wanted to touch him, but she didn't know how so she lowered them again.  
  
"I've missed you too," she whispered, not looking at him.  
  
She closed her eyes when she realized that Sam had been right earlier. She was still in love with Toby. She had worked so hard for a month to hide those feelings, but they always came back to her. She walked over to the door and locked it. Then she closed the blinds and walked back to Toby. She had never wanted to touch him so much before. She lightly put her hands on his chest and she moved her face closer to his. They stood there for a while, their faces an inch from each other with closed eyes. They just listened to the other breaths and breathed in the other's smell. Then without knowing how, their foreheads were leaning against each other. Toby put his hands on CJ's back and gently started to move his hands up and down, which made her shiver. She on the other hand put her hands around his neck and played with his hair. They still had their eyes closed, it was as if their dream finally was coming true and none of them wanted to wake up by opening their eyes. CJ moved her head and tilted it to the left. Toby started to kiss her neck and then he moved his lips to her cheek. She had never felt like this before when a man had kissed her, and this wasn't even on the lips. Their mouths finally found each other. At first it was just a light brush. But the light brush didn't take long to become a passionate kiss. Suddenly, CJ pulled away.  
  
"Fuck!" She yelled, walking over to her desk, slamming a hand on it. "Fuck you, Toby! Why do you keep doing this to me? Every time I find someone I care about you do this, only this time it's worse than usual. Probably, only because I've never been this happy with a man before!"  
  
Toby took a step back towards the door.  
  
"I'm sorry, CJ," he whispered. "I didn't mean to... I just couldn't... CJ, marry him. Marry Eric. It will do you good. He will make you happy."  
  
It looked as if he was going to take a step towards her, but then he changed his mind and he quickly turned around and left. CJ bit her lip hard to prevent herself from crying. But it didn't help. The tears were running down her cheeks like never before. Their time had passed. It was too late for them. It was time to let go.  
  
TBC. 


	8. Part 8

Part 8  
  
Toby stayed in his office the rest of the day. He didn't leave it until it was dark outside and the bullpen was empty. He knocked lightly on Sam's door. When Sam saw it was Toby he quickly put away what he was reading.  
  
"How are you doing?" He asked softly.  
  
Toby sighed and sat down putting a hand to his forehead.  
  
"I talked to her earlier today. I made her upset."  
  
"You're not the only one." Sam grinned at him.  
  
There was a moment of silence. Sam could tell Toby wanted to say something, but didn't know how, so he just waited. Toby rubbed his forehead nervously and then he looked up at Sam.  
  
"He's going to be good to her, right? He's a good man?"  
  
Sam smiled gently at Toby. He couldn't believe this was Toby Ziegler, the Communications Director that everyone, including himself, thought of as a pain in the ass. Toby's concern for CJ almost made Sam telling Toby that he shouldn't let her go that easily. Instead he nodded.  
  
"He's the best, Toby."  
  
"Yeah, I thought so. He will make her happy."  
  
They sat there, not saying a word to each other, not doing anything, except thinking of how tough life could be sometimes.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Claudia Jean? Is everything alright?"  
  
CJ felt Eric's arm slip around her waist. She nodded, but then she realized he couldn't see her face.  
  
"Yes. Just tired."  
  
"Then sleep, precious."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Eric surprised her the next morning with breakfast in bed. CJ smiled and did her best to not show that she cried inside. She couldn't believe herself. Eric was the perfect guy! Yet, she still had Toby in her mind. Toby, who never could give her what she wanted and needed. No, she had made up her mind. Eric was the one. She was going to marry him.  
  
"What's the matter?" Eric looked with worried eyes on her.  
  
"It's nothing." She managed to make a noise that sounded like a laugh.  
  
He raised his eyebrows and she smiled at him.  
  
"Just trouble at work."  
  
After all, that wasn't lying.  
  
"How come you haven't introduced me to Toby Ziegler?"  
  
CJ stiffened when she heard Eric mention Toby and he could tell.  
  
"Why? Why would I?" CJ said after a while.  
  
"Because he's your best friend. Everyone who has something to do with politics here in D.C. talks about your special bond. I mean, I've met Josh and Leo. How come I haven't met him?"  
  
CJ looked at him. What was he up to? Was he trying to pry? But when she looked into his bright blue eyes she could tell he wasn't. He just wanted to know everything about her and meet the people that meant something special to her.  
  
"Eric, the thing with me and Toby... It's kind of complicated. We're not friends anymore. Things happened a month ago and, well, lets just say I've finally realized what everyone else thinks of him. He's a pain in the ass."  
  
Eric laughed. "Yeah, I've heard the rumors about him, alright."  
  
Eric kept laughing but CJ wasn't even smiling. She didn't want to hear Eric, not anyone except she, say that Toby was a pain in the ass.  
  
* * * * *  
  
They were in his office, why he couldn't care less about. He didn't even listen to Sam and Josh talking. They had different opinions and Toby knew the deal already was done, so why argue about it? "Guys, could you please take this some where else?"  
  
Sam and Josh stopped talking and looked at Toby behind the desk.  
  
"Is CJ in yet?" Josh asked.  
  
"How am I suppose to know?" Toby sounded a little too defensive.  
  
"Whoa! Just asking!" Josh held up his hands and shot Sam a look, but just got a glare back.  
  
"Sam, there's someone here to see you." Bonnie stuck in her head.  
  
Sam turned his head towards the door and saw Eric out in the bullpen. He quickly rose, intending to show him to his room, but when Eric saw Sam he quickly walked towards him and without anyone knowing how, he was inside Toby's office.  
  
"Hey, Sam! Josh!" Eric said happily with a huge smile.  
  
Sam looked uncomfortable and looked carefully at Toby. Fortunately, Toby didn't seem to realize who he was. At least not yet.  
  
"Why don't we go into my office?" Sam put a hand on Eric's back.  
  
They were in the door and Sam thought he managed to save the situation when Josh ruined it.  
  
"Eric, you haven't met Toby yet, right?"  
  
Sam closed his eyes before looking at Toby. Toby had now realized.  
  
"So, you're Toby Ziegler?" Eric smiled and walked back into the office again with his hand stretched out. "I'm Eric Brooks."  
  
"Who's marrying CJ." Sam sighed of relief when he saw that Toby even managed to smile. "I'm very happy for the two of you."  
  
"Thank you, sir."  
  
"Toby."  
  
"Toby."  
  
An awkward silence spread around the room. Josh looked at Sam to see if he knew why, but Sam didn't give him the answer.  
  
"Toby, do you have a minute?" Eric suddenly said.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Eric turned to Sam and Josh and they immediately understood. Josh smiled while he was leaving the room. Sam on the other hand took longer time to leave the office.  
  
"Could you close the door, Sam?" Eric smiled friendly at him.  
  
Sam nodded and did so. He went into his office. He sat down in a chair pretending to read a file, but he was really looking through the windows to Toby's office.  
  
"Sit down." Toby nodded at a chair.  
  
"Thank you." Eric sat down and then took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm just going to say what's on my mind. Claudia Jean has told me about you two."  
  
"What?" Eric took him so off guard that Toby didn't even comment on how weird it was to hear someone use CJ's full name.  
  
"Yes, she told me you don't get along."  
  
"Oh." Toby breathed out and leaned back against the chair.  
  
"I think that's sad. With all the people I've talked to that know the two of you says that you share a special bond."  
  
"Yeah, I guess we do." Toby sighed. "After all, we've almost known each other for twenty years." "Which is why I think it's so sad that you're not getting along anymore. Listen, why don't the three of us have dinner tonight?"  
  
Toby looked down and started to rub his forehead. Then he rose and began to pace back and forth in the room.  
  
Sam didn't like what he saw. Toby was pacing. He was pacing with his hand on the forehead. That couldn't be good. He quickly grabbed a file and walked into Toby's office without knocking.  
  
"Sam!" Eric smiled. "I just asked Toby to have dinner with me and Claudia Jean tonight. Why don't you come along?"  
  
Sam turned his eyes to Toby who didn't look back.  
  
"Don't we have that thing tonight?" Sam said slowly.  
  
Toby immediately tagged along.  
  
"Yes, darn. Sorry, Eric. Maybe another time."  
  
Eric looked a bit disappointed, but then he smiled. "Okay, another time."  
  
Once again Sam thought he had saved the situation when Josh burst into the office.  
  
"Sorry to interrupt but Leo needs us in five."  
  
"Josh! Maybe you want to join me and Claudia Jean for dinner tonight since these two workaholics can't?"  
  
He smiled and nodded towards Toby and Sam.  
  
"Sure, that sounds nice! But what are you guys doing tonight?"  
  
Sam and Toby looked at each other, not knowing what to say. The few seconds they were thinking felt like minutes.  
  
"Um, we have that thing, you know..." Toby started.  
  
"What thing?" Josh asked.  
  
"We have to write a draft for the President's speech tomorrow night!" Sam said proudly and got an appreciating look from Toby.  
  
"What? Where's the President's going tomorrow? Are you talking about the dinner for the French President?"  
  
"Yes, we are."  
  
Toby smiled, relieved that Sam was so bright and how much he obviously cared about Toby.  
  
"Was I the only one who listened to Leo this morning? It's cancelled. It was some big emergency in France so he's not coming."  
  
Toby glared at Sam who looked away.  
  
"Excellent!" Eric clapped his hands together. "That means you both can join us tonight instead." Toby closed his eyes for a short moment before looking at Eric. There was no way he could get out of this.  
  
"I suppose it does," he said and smiled slightly.  
  
TBC. 


	9. Part 9

Part 9  
  
CJ, Josh and Eric were sitting around a round table waiting for Sam and Toby.  
  
"I hope nothing has happened to them. They're never this late." Josh looked at his watch for the fifth time in two minutes.  
  
"Well, then you don't know Toby." CJ laughed thinking of all the times she thought Toby had stood her up, but when he only had been late.  
  
Eric and Josh looked at her, expecting her to say something more about it. When she didn't they began to talk about other things. CJ tried to focus on Eric and Josh's conversation as long as she could, but her mind quickly drifted off to Toby. At first, when Eric had told her about the dinner she had gone crazy. When he had asked why she didn't even want to try to make up with Toby she realized it was no point in arguing. If she kept doing it, he would want to know more, and she didn't want to tell him. Not ever.  
  
"There they are!" Josh suddenly said loudly.  
  
Sam and Toby quickly walked towards the table and sat down.  
  
"Sorry we're late. Traffic." Sam smiled at CJ. "You look beautiful tonight, CJ."  
  
"Tell me when she doesn't." Eric reached out for her hand that rested on the table.  
  
Toby couldn't help it, but it bothered him to see CJ's hand in another man's than his. He tried to not look, but he couldn't look away.  
  
CJ noticed that Toby thought it was hard to see her hand in Eric's. She smiled before excusing herself. Five minutes later she came back and this time she put her hands together on the table. And whenever Eric tried to reach out for her hand she found a reason to pull away. She thought it was innocent and that no one noticed. The truth was that everyone around the table noticed it. A specially two of them.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Toby was standing outside CJ's door. It was closed. It had never bothered him before, but this time it did. He raised his hand to knock on it, but before he touched the door a voice behind him startled him.  
  
"Toby? Why are you knocking?"  
  
He quickly turned around and blushed when he noticed that Carol was looking curious at him. "No reason," he quickly said and opened the door to CJ's office and entered.  
  
He was totally unprepared of what he saw. CJ and Eric were standing in front of her desk, kissing each other. It was too late to turn around to leave so Toby made a noise to get their attention. CJ blushed and pushed Eric away when she saw it was Toby.  
  
"I'm sorry." Toby looked down.  
  
"No, I'm sorry," CJ hurried to say.  
  
She didn't look at him either. Eric looked at them, not understanding what really was going on.  
  
"Listen, I'll go and see Sam for a while. Come and get me when you're done."  
  
Eric grabbed CJ's arm and leaned down to kiss her, but she tilted away her head so he just kissed her on the cheek. Eric tried to hide that it hurt him and quickly left, before smiling briefly at Toby. After Eric had left Toby closed the door and sat down in the couch. CJ soon joined him.  
  
"You don't have to do that for me."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You don't have to tilt away your head when he wants to kiss you, you don't have to pull away your hand from his when he wants to hold you. Not for me, CJ."  
  
"Oh, Toby, don't say that." CJ had tears in her eyes, without really knowing why. "I don't... I'm just thinking of..." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I still remember how much it killed me to see you and Andrea."  
  
"And I didn't do anything to hide it." He almost sounded a bit guilty.  
  
They were quiet for a while, before CJ reached out to take his hand. He held her hand tightly in his, never wanting to let go.  
  
"I have to ask you something."  
  
She knew it probably would kill him, but at least she had to ask.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're coming to the wedding, right?"  
  
Toby turned to her and saw her begging eyes that had tears in them. He didn't want to go and he knew she knew it. Still, she asked him. Because she needed him there. She needed the person that meant the most to her there.  
  
"CJ...," he started, but stopped when a tear ran down her cheek. He wiped it away swallowing his own lump in the throat. "Of course I'll come," he whispered.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Hey Eric! What can I do for you?"  
  
"Sam, I want you to tell me everything you know about CJ and Toby."  
  
Sam looked up at his friend. Eric's constant smile was gone, and instead his face looked bitter and his lips were pressed together in a straight line. Sam took a decision he knew he shouldn't take without either Toby or CJ's permissions. He was going to tell him the whole story. Not only for Eric's sake, but for Toby's and CJ's as well.  
  
TBC. 


	10. Part 10

Part 10  
  
CJ sneaked into the apartment as silently as she could. She didn't turn on the lights. Instead stood by the door until her eyes got used to the dark. She sat down in the couch, leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She had had a good talk with Toby in her office earlier that day. None of them had said what they really wanted to say, but they both knew it. And they also knew it was too late to change things now.  
  
"Claudia Jean?"  
  
She looked up and noticed Eric in the doorway. He turned on the lights and sat down next to her.  
  
"I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"  
  
"I wasn't a sleep. I was waiting for you."  
  
"Oh, why?"  
  
He smiled softly. "Is it weird that I want to see my fiancée before I go to sleep?"  
  
CJ forced herself to smile. "Sorry, I'm just tired."  
  
"Where have you been?"  
  
"I was at work. Me and To... I had to go through some things for tomorrow. Sorry, I didn't call you."  
  
His smile was gone, but it wasn't something CJ thought about. All she could think of was Toby.  
  
"Lets go to bed." He took her hand and helped her up.  
  
* * * * *  
  
She had tons of things to do, but she needed a break. The truth was that she had been on a break since she came to work two hours ago. She couldn't find the strength to start with the things she needed to be done with later that day. Suddenly, she felt the urge to turn her chair around. She wasn't surprised when she saw Toby in the door. She had sensed it was he. When she met his dark eyes she quickly looked away.  
  
"How long have you been standing there?"  
  
"Long enough to know that you don't get anything done today." He closed the door and sat down on the couch. "Is there anything I can do?"  
  
She glared at him, which made him look away, nervously.  
  
"Do you want to..."  
  
The phone interrupted his question. When she hung up she came over to the couch.  
  
"It was Eric. He wants to have lunch with me," she said with a sigh.  
  
"And the reason you're not sounding thrilled is because...?"  
  
She sighed. "No reason. I just... I have work to do."  
  
He laughed. "You haven't worked the entire morning. I'm sure you'll get more done on your lunch with Eric."  
  
She raised her eyebrows. "If I didn't know you I could easily have misunderstood that."  
  
He smiled shyly.  
  
"What did you want to ask me?"  
  
"Um... nothing. So, have you picked a date for the wedding yet?"  
  
She shook her head. "No, but Eric wants it pretty soon."  
  
"And you?"  
  
She looked at him. "Toby, don't ask me questions like that. I don't want to talk about it with you."  
  
He understood. He understood and he left her alone.  
  
* * * * *  
  
He kissed her on the cheek before they sat down. He gave her a menu, which she pretended to study frequently.  
  
"When do you have to be back?" He asked her when they got their food.  
  
She smiled, her first smile since she got there. "Toby told me to take the rest of the day off. He said I wouldn't get anything done today anyway."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't know. Tired, I guess."  
  
He studied her while she was eating. She had become more silent lately.  
  
"CJ?"  
  
Her head snapped up. He hadn't called her CJ since they first met.  
  
"Claudia Jean?" He continued softly. "What's going on with you and Toby?"  
  
She looked done and continued eating. "What do you mean?" she mumbled between chewing.  
  
"You are just friends, huh?"  
  
She looked up, tried to assure him with a smile. "Of course. What else would it be there?"  
  
"So, you can honestly tell me you've never thought differently of him?"  
  
"Eric, what is this? I swear! Toby is my friend. We're only friends and that's how it always has been."  
  
He put away his knife and fork, leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms over his chest. "Why are you lying to me?"  
  
"Eric, I don't understand what you're talking about."  
  
He made a sound, something that sounded like a sarcastic laugh. "CJ, honey, Sam has told me everything."  
  
TBC. 


	11. Part 11

Part 11  
  
When CJ returned to work she slammed the door to Sam's office so hard that he jumped in his chair and the activity out in the bullpen stopped.  
  
"Sam, what the hell have you been telling Eric?"  
  
Sam tried to make himself as small as possible when CJ came around the desk and leaned against it.  
  
"CJ...," he stammered.  
  
"No Sam! I thought you wanted to help me, I thought you were my friend! Now, thanks to you Eric called it off. No wedding. Happy?"  
  
CJ stopped to breathe. When she was going to continue yelling at Sam she realized it didn't matter. She looked down and sighed, closing her eyes. She put a hand to her forehead and rubbed it. It didn't take long until Sam realized she was crying. He rose and put his arms around her.  
  
"CJ, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have meddled in."  
  
"No, you shouldn't," she whispered.  
  
When she had calm down Sam helped her sit down in a chair. He sat down next to her and held her hand. The look in his face almost made CJ laugh. He looked so full of regret that it was pathetic.  
  
"What happened?" Sam asked quietly.  
  
CJ took a deep breath and swallowed. "We had lunch together. He asked me what was going on with me and Toby."  
  
Sam waited for her to continue, but when she never did he asked her what happened after that.  
  
"I told him... I told him that I and Toby are just friends and nothing else." Sam raised his eyebrows, which CJ chose to ignore. "Then he became this totally different person. He told me you had told him everything. He wasn't mad, he wasn't shouting. He was smiling, Sam. He grinned at me while he said I was the biggest liar he ever met with this patronizing voice." She paused and looked away. "Then he left me alone, saying something like 'the wedding is off, but not this'. I didn't understand what he meant but he scared me, Sam."  
  
Sam could tell CJ was close to tears again. He was surprised over what CJ had told him about Eric. He himself had never seen him like that, but in college it had ran a few rumors about him and he knew that CJ would never lie to him.  
  
"I'm going to talk to him," he said.  
  
"No, don't do that, Sam. It's over now. Hopefully, I'll never see him again."  
  
Sam nodded and promised her to not call Eric when she left his office, even though they both knew he would.  
  
* * * * *  
  
CJ was in her couch eating take away Chinese while she was looking through some papers for the next day. CNN was on in the background. A sudden knock on the door caused her to jump. She slowly walked over to the door. While she was standing at the door she was mad at herself for never making that call to put a peephole into the door.  
  
"Um, who is it?" She asked after a while.  
  
"It's me."  
  
She didn't had to ask who 'me' was. She locked up the door and let him in.  
  
"How are you doing?" He asked softly.  
  
"It's okay. Come in."  
  
They walked over to the couch and sat down.  
  
"Sam told me. I'm really sorry, CJ."  
  
She smiled slightly. "Don't be, don't be sorry, Toby. Honestly, I'm not that sorry."  
  
His eyebrows raised. "You're not?"  
  
She shook her head. "Sure, it'd be nice to be married. After all I am... 30 years old now." He laughed and she smiled briefly.  
  
He was quiet for a while, pretended to be interested on what they said on CNN. While he watched the TV she looked at him. She couldn't take her eyes away from him. She wanted him to put his arm around her, pull her closer, but his eyes were clutched to the TV.  
  
"Maybe it wasn't right."  
  
His sudden sentence made her look down. "Toby, it's never been right for me."  
  
He turned to look at her while he was taking her hand in his. "I know. And I'm sorry about that." He leaned closer to kiss her on the cheek. "I have to go. Night, Claude."  
  
She couldn't believe he had left. Her tears soon turned to anger. How could he leave? Again? She didn't understand what was happening. This had been going on for years and she had never understood what was going on. She wanted to kill him. Really kill him. She was crying when there was a knock on the door. She quickly walked over to the door and took a deep breath to control herself. She wasn't going to let him see that she had cried over him. Not again.  
  
She opened the door with her mouth already half open, which closed when she saw that it wasn't Toby.  
  
"Eric, what are you doing here?"  
  
He smiled. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"  
  
Without waiting for an answer he gently pushed her away and let himself in to her apartment.  
  
TBC. 


	12. Part 12

Part 12  
  
"Eric? What do you want? Do you want the ring back?" CJ asked nervously.  
  
"No, not really. Sweetie, come here." He patted the seat on the couch next to him.  
  
CJ slowly walked over and sat down next to him.  
  
"Claudia Jean, I think we should talk."  
  
CJ let out a sigh of relief. Now he always sounded like he had. Friendly and gentle. It was only reasonable that he wanted an explanation of what had happened. She began to relax in his company.  
  
"Eric, I'm really sorry about what happened, but it was probably for the best." She smiled gently and put her hand on his arm.  
  
His eyes turned black for a second. "What do you mean the best?"  
  
CJ took a deep breath and looked away, knowing what she was going to say would hurt him. "Eric, I realized today that I don't love you. I wasn't even sad that the wedding was called off. This thing between us, has been wrong for me from the beginning."  
  
"What are you talking about? What do you mean when you're saying the wedding is called off? I booked time with the church today, and guess what? They could fill us in tomorrow."  
  
A frown appeared between CJ's eyes as she shook her head. "Eric, no. You called off the wedding earlier today. At lunch. Don't you remember?"  
  
His smile suddenly disappeared. "I don't know what you're trying to pull here but it's sick. You love me and I love you and we're getting married tomorrow. Now, come on. Let's go to bed."  
  
He rose and took her arm and pulled her up.  
  
"Eric, let me go! What are you doing?"  
  
"We're going to bed!"  
  
She tried to pull away from him but he held her arms tightly in his hands while dragging her with him towards the bedroom.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Toby hung up the phone. He had been talking to Josh and he had tried to explain to him that he had to stay calm at the meeting the next day. When the phone rang again he picked it up quickly.  
  
"What?" He shouted.  
  
"Um, excuse me," a female voice said. "Is this Toby Ziegler?"  
  
Toby, who know that it was late, knew this had to be serious and his thoughts immediately wandered to CJ. "Yes, I'm Toby Ziegler."  
  
"My name is Elizabeth Forsythe and I'm calling from GW. We just got a patient to the ER and her ID says she's CJ Cregg. Do you know this woman?"  
  
"I'm on my way!" Toby grabbed his car-keys before hurrying out of his apartment.  
  
In his car he called Josh. His apartment was closer to the hospital. When Josh asked what had happened Toby realized he had forgot to ask when the nurse called him.  
  
Toby was showed to a waiting room. In there he found Josh, pacing nervously back and forth. When he noticed Toby he hurried over to him.  
  
"Have you heard anything?"  
  
"No, they wouldn't let me know anything. She has you as first person to call, Toby. They wanted to tell you first. You have to go and talk to them."  
  
Toby suddenly got scared. He looked up at Josh who immediately understood.  
  
Josh nodded before pushing Toby forward him. "Let's go."  
  
The nurses couldn't give them much information. Just that she had come in with bruises all over he body and possible inner bleedings. The nurse also notified them on that a police probably would come and talk to them later.  
  
"Do you know who could have done this to her?" Josh asked while they were walking back to waiting room.  
  
Toby hadn't even heard Josh. He walked over to a phone. "I have to call Sam."  
  
When Sam came to the hospital Toby and Josh were talking to an officer.  
  
"Who's this?" The officer asked when Sam walked up to them.  
  
"Sam Seaborn." Sam shook hands with the officer.  
  
"And where were you about an hour and a half ago, Mr. Seaborn?"  
  
Sam, Josh and Toby all turned to the officer with surprised looks.  
  
"What, exactly are you insinuating?" Toby asked, noticeable irritated.  
  
"I'm sorry, Mr. Ziegler. We just have to check out everyone."  
  
It was quiet for a while, everyone waiting for someone else to say something.  
  
"Have you heard anything new?" Sam asked and chose to ignore the officer.  
  
Toby looked away and Josh shook his head. "No, she had inner bleedings. They're trying to stop them now."  
  
"But she's going to be okay, right?"  
  
Toby once again chose to look away and this time Josh did the same. Sam slumped down in the chair next to Toby.  
  
"Excuse me, but I just have a few more questions," the officer said and held up his notepad.  
  
Toby's head snapped up. "Why don't you take your questions and shove them somewhere? A friend of us are in operation right now, fighting for her life and you expect us to answer your stupid questions! Leave us alone!"  
  
The officer looked at first angry, but then he sighed. "I'll come back later."  
  
"He was just doing his job, Toby," Josh said.  
  
"Are you defending him?" Toby raised his voice again.  
  
"No, I'm just saying that we need to find the person who did this to CJ, and that is now!"  
  
Toby was just about to answer when the door opened and a nurse stuck in her head.  
  
"Mr. Ziegler? Dr. Stein can see you now."  
  
Toby composed himself before going after the nurse.  
  
"Is he going to be okay?"  
  
"Sam, he's blaming himself," Josh said quietly.  
  
"Why? He hasn't done anything."  
  
"He stopped by her apartment a short while before leaving. He thinks that if he had stayed..."  
  
Sam sighed. "Oh shit. Who could have done this to her?"  
  
"The police said that it hadn't looked like someone had tried to break in. Sam, this was someone who knew CJ."  
  
As Sam suddenly realized something his hands tightened around the arm- wrests so hard that his knuckles became white. Josh noticed that Sam had hard to compose himself.  
  
"Sam? Sam, what's the matter?" Josh asked anxiously.  
  
TBC. 


	13. Part 13

Part 13  
  
"Toby Ziegler?" Toby nodded and shook hands with the short and slightly over-weight man who apparently was the man who just operated CJ. "I'm Dr. Mark Stein. I understand you're the closest to family CJ Cregg has in D.C."  
  
"Yes," Toby murmured quietly. "How is she?"  
  
Dr. Stein looked around in the big hallway with people running past them all the time. He looked a bit awkward and as if he wished he could talk to Toby in a more private place.  
  
"Listen, I just need to know if she's okay." Toby began to get nervous.  
  
Dr. Stein sighed and led Toby to a few chairs next to the wall.  
  
"We've managed to stop the bleeding," he said when he had convinced Toby to sit down. Toby let out a sigh of relief. "Thank god!"  
  
"It's not okay yet, Mr. Ziegler. We are not sure if the bleeding will start later again. We must have her under observation this night."  
  
"But she's going to survive, right?"  
  
Dr. Stein looked once again a bit awkward. "As it looks now, yes, but I can't make any promises." He was quiet for a few seconds before leaning closer to Toby. "She has bruises all over her body and Mr. Ziegler... I think you should know that if the police had come to her apartment just minutes later she probably would have been raped."  
  
Toby frowned when Dr. Stein finished that sentence. He shook his head. "No, no. No one would do that to her."  
  
"I'm sorry, Mr. Ziegler."  
  
"Where is she? Can I see her?"  
  
The doctor hesitated for a second but he couldn't say no when he saw how worried Toby was. He nodded. "I tell a nurse to show you to her room." He rose and shook Toby's hand. "I'm so sorry about this."  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Sam, are you alright?" Sam still hadn't said a word and Josh began to get worried.  
  
"Josh, I know who it was. I know who did this to her."  
  
"What?" Josh said loudly but immediately lowered his voice. "Who is it?"  
  
Sam shook his head. "No, I'm jumping to conclusions. It can't be him. He wouldn't do that, no way. He would never hurt her like that."  
  
"Sam! Sam, who the hell are you talking about?" Josh was really worried about Sam now.  
  
"I have to go and look after Officer Williams."  
  
Sam rose and Josh was going to follow when he saw Toby in the other end of the hallway. He turned to Sam and saw that he was already talking to the officer. He slowly approached Toby.  
  
"How is she?" He asked quietly.  
  
When Toby turned to face him Josh saw that Toby's eyes were misty, a condition he wished to never see Toby Ziegler in.  
  
"They think she'll make it. They have stopped the bleedings, for now." Toby lowered his voice and motioned to Josh to follow him a bit to the side where there at least was a bit more privacy than in the middle of the hallway. "The doctor said that if the police had turned up minutes later she would not only been a punching-bag but also a rape victim." Josh raised his eyebrows as if he needed Toby to assure him he wasn't lying. "Thank God her neighbors heard her scream. I'm going in to her now."  
  
Josh put a hand to her forehead, still not able to believe what Toby was telling him. "Why? Why would anyone do that to her?"  
  
"Why is the sky blue? Where's Sam?"  
  
Josh was just about to answer when a nurse approached them. "Mr. Ziegler? This is the way to CJ Cregg's room."  
  
Toby followed the nurse then turned to Josh. "Are you staying?"  
  
"I'll be in the waiting room. I'll call Leo."  
  
Toby nodded then turned the other way.  
  
TBC. 


	14. Part 14

Part 14  
  
The nurse told Toby CJ wasn't going to wake up until the next day, if even then. She did however, encourage Toby to talk to her. The nurse closed the door and left him alone in the small room with CJ. Toby was happy she had gotten a private room. He slowly approached the bed where she was laying. The room was dark except for the light from a small lamp in the window. With that light Toby saw the bruises in her face. She had own big bruise on her left cheek that almost reached the chin. Even though her eyes were closed Toby could tell her right eye was swollen. He moved a hand to caress her cheek but pulled away, afraid of hurting her. He sat down in the chair next to the bed. He gently took her hand in his and then he discovered the bruises on her arms as well. He tilted his head down and swallowed. If he only had stayed a bit longer.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Sam, what's going on?"  
  
Sam seemed to finally have calmed down, which made Josh calm down as well.  
  
"Josh, you can't tell anyone about this. Not yet, and especially not to Toby." Josh nodded. "You know Eric called off the wedding earlier today, huh?"  
  
Josh looked surprised. "Eric? Damn it! We forgot about him. Have you called him?" Then he paused and looked confused. "Eric called off the wedding? Why?"  
  
"Because CJ and Toby love each other," Sam said simply as it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"They what?"  
  
"Josh, they have loved each other since they met twenty years ago. I don't know what's going on but they just won't get together. Anyway, I told Eric about it yesterday because he was starting to wonder. That's the reason he called the thing off."  
  
"Poor guy," Josh said and sighed. "Don't you think we would call him anyway? After all, they were engaged 24 hours ago."  
  
Sam looked away and lowered his voice. "CJ came to my office after her meeting with Eric. She told me he had frightened her which made me remember some rumors I heard about him in college."  
  
It seemed as if Josh was beginning to understand. "What rumors?"  
  
"He wasn't nice to the women he dated. But I'm not sure, Josh. It's just a possibility. Honestly, until today I still didn't believe those rumors."  
  
"And now?"  
  
Sam sighed and looked down. "Now I don't know. Josh, what if she's in there fighting for her life because of me?"  
  
* * * * *  
  
Jed turned his back to the people in the Oval Office. He walked over to his desk with his hands in the pocket. Then he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Mr. President...," Jed turned around and looked at Leo. "Listen to Ron, it won't make any difference if you're there or not."  
  
Jed looked offended and pushed away Leo's hand. "Leo, in all the years we've known each other, I think that must have been the most stupid thing you've ever said to me! Of course it matters! I'm going there. I'm the President for Christ sake!"  
  
Ron also rose and walked over to them. "Sir, with all due respect..."  
  
Jed turned to Ron and looked at him angrily. "Ron, this isn't just one of my co-workers nor the press secretary. This is a dear friend of mine who's like a daughter to me. I'm going."  
  
The door opened and Abbey entered. "What is this about? Some of us actually have work to do, you know."  
  
Jed turned to Leo. "You called Abbey?"  
  
Leo made himself as small as possible. "I thought she could calm you down."  
  
Abbey sighed before smiling slightly. "Calm him down? Jed, now what have you done?"  
  
"Abbey, CJ's at GW. She's not well."  
  
"Then what in God's name are you doing here?"  
  
* * * * *  
  
The good news was that CJ hadn't begun to bleed again and that her condition was stabile now. The bad news was that hadn't woke up yet. The doctor said that there was no reason to start worrying so soon, but every minute that passed Toby worried more and more that he'd never get the chance to tell her how much he loved her. He raised her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. Just as he had before he left her apartment the other night. He still banished himself for leaving her alone. If only he had stayed. Just a bit a longer. Just thirty minutes.  
  
"Toby?"  
  
Toby turned around to see Josh and Sam in the door.  
  
"Toby, I need to talk to you for a second."  
  
"Sam, I need to be with CJ now."  
  
"I'll stay with her. It's really important," Josh put a hand on Toby's shoulder to assure him she would be okay without him for a minute.  
  
"What do you want?" Toby asked when he and Sam were outside CJ's room. He wasn't rude or angry, just tired and upset about CJ.  
  
"Okay, don't freak now, but they caught a guy."  
  
Toby's head snapped up. "Who?"  
  
"Eric."  
  
Toby looked at Sam with disbelief. "Eric? Eric did this to her?"  
  
"Toby, calm down! They're not sure yet, they need CJ to identify him, but at least they took him in." Toby sat down, knowing he had to calm down. "Do you think... do you think it was him?"  
  
Sam told Toby that he was the one who told the police and also about the rumors he just reminded from college.  
  
"Toby, I'm sorry." Toby could tell Sam's voice was beginning to crack up.  
  
"What are you sorry about?" Toby asked softly.  
  
Sam was almost crying by now. "If I hadn't... if I hadn't introduced her to him she..."  
  
"Sam, you can't blame yourself. It's not your fault. Okay?"  
  
Sam nodded, even though Toby hadn't convinced him.  
  
TBC. 


	15. Part 15

Part 15  
  
Josh and Sam approached Leo when they saw him walking towards them in the hallway.  
  
"Leo, we didn't think you'd show up." Josh said.  
  
"How is she?"  
  
"Still hasn't waken up yet."  
  
"The President is on his way in. As the first lady."  
  
Josh and Sam looked at each other then back at Leo again.  
  
"I know, it's the most stupid thing he ever done, but he has a will of steal and he runs the country, so what could I do? Where's Toby?"  
  
"He's in with CJ."  
  
"Hasn't he been with her since she came in?" Sam and Josh nodded. "Someone ought to tell him to go home. He's been here for almost fifteen hours now, as I suppose you two have as well. Why don't you go home for a while and get some sleep."  
  
Josh and Sam protested but Leo convinced them to go, promising to call if anything happened. Before they left Josh turned to Leo.  
  
"Don't make Toby go home. He needs to be there."  
  
Leo didn't understand for whose sake Josh was referring to, but he promised to not mention it. He knew it wouldn't help anyway.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Toby felt a hand on his shoulder and quickly turned around. He rose when he saw it was Leo and the First couple.  
  
"Ma'am, Mr. President," he said quickly rubbing his hand over his eyes. "Hey, Leo."  
  
"How are you doing, Toby?" Leo asked softly with concerned eyes.  
  
Toby looked at CJ and his heart ached. "I'm fine. CJ is. she's." His voice cracked and Abbey put her hand on his arm.  
  
"Why don't we go have a cup of coffee?" Leo asked. "You look like you need it."  
  
Toby shook his head. "No, no, I'm not leaving CJ. Not ever again."  
  
Jed walked over to Toby now as well and smiled gently at him.  
  
"Toby, we understand that you need to be here but if you won't get a cup of coffee in you, you won't help her."  
  
"But." Toby stopped talking when Jed held up his hand.  
  
"I and Abbey are staying here until you come back. Outside this room there are four secret service agents. I think she'll be fine."  
  
Toby let Leo gently push him towards the door. At the door Toby turned.  
  
"Come and get me if anything happens."  
  
Jed sat down on the chair nest to the bed and took CJ's hand. Abbey looked at her bruises on her arms and face.  
  
"My God, Abbey," Jed said almost inaudible.  
  
Abbey put her arm around his shoulder and leaned down to kiss him on the cheek. "Its okay, sweetie. It's okay."  
  
"Who would do this to her?" He whispered knowing his voice would crack if he spoke louder. "When they've found him I'll have him sent to Mongolia." Then he turned to Abbey with concerned eyes. "She's going to make it, right?"  
  
Abbey shrugged but looked at Jed when she just raised her eyebrows and said, "Honey. I don't know."  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Sam mentioned they caught a guy," Leo said and gave Toby a cup of coffee.  
  
"Thanks." He snorted. "Guess who? Eric."  
  
"Eric?" Leo practically yelled but then lowered his voice and leaned over the table so he came closer to Toby. "Why would Eric do this to her?"  
  
"They called off the wedding."  
  
Leo looked confused. "Why?"  
  
Toby looked down and played with his napkin on the table. He shook his head.  
  
"Not now, Leo," he mumbled. "Just not now."  
  
A minute later Toby rose anxiously. Leo glared at him but then rose as well, realizing how much it meant to him. Silently, he followed him back to CJ's room. When they entered the first couple turned to them and Leo could tell the President had been crying, or at least let some tears fall.  
  
Jed walked over to Toby and put his hand on his shoulder. "Do you want me to stay? 'Cause if you do, I will."  
  
Toby shook his head. "I'm sure the agents are already pissed enough at you for coming here in first place. You go back to the White House and take care of the country, sir." He turned to Leo. "Is it okay if I stay here until she's fine?"  
  
Leo nodded, surprised that he even asked. As Leo, Abbey and Jed walked towards the door Toby turned away briefly from CJ.  
  
"I'll let her know you were here when she wakes up."  
  
They just smiled at Toby and then left. Abbey slipped her hand into Jed's who turned to her with a frown.  
  
"If she ever does," he said bitterly.  
  
TBC. 


	16. Part 16

Part 16  
  
Toby held CJ's hand as tightly as he dared afraid he would hurt her. With his free hand he gently rubbed her stomach and then put his head there. He had made sure earlier with the nurses it wouldn't hurt her. He just lay there for a while listening to her breathe and feeling her stomach raise and fall. He felt he needed to know that she still was alive, that she still was there. The doctor had told him that if she didn't woke up by tomorrow night there was a huge possibility she would never wake up. Toby prayed with all his might that she would wake up soon because he knew he could never bare to let them turn the respirator off.  
  
He had been alone with CJ the entire day but the first couple and the rest of the senior staff had called every hour to see if anything knew happened. After work Josh and Sam had come by and forced Toby to eat something. Then Toby had forced them to go home and get some sleep before they had to get back to work.  
  
It had been all over the news. It was out that Eric was the suspect and then at afternoon he heard that Eric had admitted his crime.  
  
Toby raised his head and looked at her. Even with all things attached to her body she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He gently caressed her cheek and then kissed her lightly on the lips.  
  
"CJ, if you just could wake up." He whispered. "If you do, I'll do anything for you. I've been a fool. I've been a fool for twenty years," he continued with tears running down his cheeks. "You have to wake up, Ceej, you have to, so I can show you I'm not the son of a bitch you think I am."  
  
He stopped sobbing and smiled slightly.  
  
"You know what? The first thing I'm going to do when you wake up is to ask you if you want to marry me and if I can move into your townhouse. And after that we'll have a huge wedding with over hundred people invited. Sam will be my best man, of course and Josh. he will be something else. We can probably make something up because he would want to do something. As your brides-maids. you know what? You should definitely ask Abbey although she may be a bit old. Don't tell her I said that."  
  
He smiled slightly and brushed his fingers over her knuckles.  
  
"After the wedding we'll go to Paris for our honeymoon. Or Venice, or London. We'll go anywhere you want. We can travel the world if that's what you want. And then maybe some day you'd want kids and we would have three. Two boys and one girl and they would get your beauty and my. Maybe not so much from me but I'll learn them to love The Yankees, though."  
  
He smiled sadly and sighed. He felt the lump in his throat growing bigger. He held her hand tightly as he continued to talk.  
  
"And, and when we're retired, we'll. We will move to."  
  
His voice cracked and he briefly looked away his eyes misty.  
  
"We'll move to some warm place and grow old, just the two of us. You may think that might sound a bit lonely but we'll fill our days with making love, eat wonderful food, bade in the ocean and take long walks."  
  
Now he was sobbing loudly.  
  
"'Cause that's all I've ever wanted, Ceej, to be with you."  
  
As he cried he put his head on her stomach again closing his eyes.  
  
"I hope that's not just sweet-talk to make me like you again."  
  
His head snapped up and he couldn't believe his eyes. Her eyes were opened as she smirked.  
  
"My God," he whispered, stunned. "You're awake."  
  
"Nah, I'm just talking in my sleep."  
  
She grinned but he didn't. He looked seriously at her as tears ran down his cheeks again, but this time of relief.  
  
"Don't do that, CJ. Don't make any jokes. This isn't funny." He looked away briefly. "I've been so scared. I've never been this terrified in my whole life. I can't believe you are back."  
  
She put a hand on his cheek and smiled slightly at him.  
  
"I came back for you," she whispered.  
  
He leaned closer to brush his lips against hers. When he leaned back again he could see her smirk. A frown appeared between his eyebrows but he couldn't help smiling.  
  
"How much of that did you hear?"  
  
She grinned and took his hand. "Lets just say I like that life-plan you've made up for us."  
  
He blushed and looked away but she put a finger under his cheek making her look at her again.  
  
"Didn't you have something to ask me when I woke up?" She asked smiling, her eyes sparkling and her voice full of excitement.  
  
Toby looked away and grinned. "Oh, now let me see," he joked.  
  
She glared at him but smiled. "Toby!"  
  
"Okay," he whispered and took her hand kissing her knuckles before looking at her. "Claude, will you marry me?"  
  
Once again she stroked his cheek. "Yes, I do Toby," she whispered softly.  
  
THE END. 


End file.
